Shepard's Depression
by RegreTaloTrip
Summary: Two weeks after destroying Sovereign and killing Saren, Commander Jane Shepard is drinking her feelings away at a bar. Garrus happens to stumble upon her. While drunk, Jane admits to her severe depression, and Garrus takes her to his apartment so she can rest. Garrus tries his best to help her. (Planned to be more than one Chapter.)


Not at all what I mentioned in my update, but I have no idea where to put this, so it'll go here. Takes time during the 1 month inbetween Mass Effect 1 and Shepard's death. This is my longest fanfiction so far. Not that good at reading over and fixing errors, so as usual, if there are a few, blame my bad typing habits.

I'm just doing this for reference reason, but Garrus' apartment is like Anderson's Apartment from Mass Effect 3.

* * *

Commander Jane Shepard sat at a bar on the citadel. She was downing shots of alcoholic drinks. It had been two weeks since the attack on the Citadel, and since she and her crew had killed Saren. The truth was she was depressed, because she had sacrificed hundreds of humans' lives to save the council.

While she was downing her 5th shot, she started feeling drunk. The bar was full of other drunk patrons, but this wasn't her first time this week getting drunk. She turned her head when she heard footsteps. It was a familiar looking turian wearing blue and black armor.

She didn't care. It was obviously a C-Sec officer, but what was the offense? She sighs, ordering another drink. The turian stood behind her and tapped her shoulder. "Ma'am, you might want to slow down on those."

"Fuck off, I'm drinking," Shepard angrily retorted.

"Please don't speak to me that way."

"Why should I care?"

"You'd be a bad friend if you didn't."

"Wait a second," Jane said, turning to the turian, "Garrus?"

Garrus nodded. He took a seat next to Jane and moved it closer. He put his right arm around Jane to comfort her. She felt slight comfort in Garrus being there. He spoke softly and said, "Jane, please tell me why you've been drinking so much lately."

"Well, fuck, Garrus. I'm so goddamn depressed. Sometimes I feel like I can't even stand living. I don't deserve to live. I've caused so many human deaths, enemy or not, I've just.. I don't know how to explain it to you Garrus. You're not a human."

"I may not be a human, but depression is a something that everyone knows about, but never openly talks about. I'm going to try my best, but not while you're drunk, you'll just forget it all. You probably won't even remember any of this. You're an amazing human, you're selfess, you care for others. You've done so much for everyone, Jane."

"In the end, I've caused the deaths of more allies than I have enemies," Jane said, drinking another shot.

"That's not true. You've saved many lives. Now, come on, you need to stop drinking, that's your seventh shot."

"You've been fucking counting," Jane asked him. Garrus didn't answer. He pulled her into a hug with his right arm, and rubbed the side of his head with hers. She had a few tears in her eyes, but Garrus didn't notice. He forced her to stand up, and walked with her. Jane had already paid for the drinks, so they were okay to walk away.

Garrus and Jane were strolling through the bar, Garrus having a firm grip around her, so she didn't stumble. They were getting looks from some humans and turians, looking at Garrus in particular, because he was taking a drunk woman with him. He didn't care, as long as he got Jane to a place comfortable for her. "Where do you want to go, Jane? The closest place is my apartment."

"Can we just go there? I don't want to have to go to the Normandy yet," Jane asked.

"Sure. Whatever makes you comfortable."

"Why are all those people giving you looks?"

"They think I'm taking advantage of you."

"Are you?"

"You're kidding, right? I would never do that to you. I respect you, and I care about you," Garrus attempted to explain. He was wasting his words with the drunken Commander. He brought her to his apartment, which was a decent aircar drive to the apartment.

A human wearing a red jacket and white shirt stood in the way while walking there. The human cleared his throat and looked at Garrus. "Where you taking her?" The human asked, clearly suspicious.

"I'm taking her to my apartment," Garrus answered honestly. Deep down inside him, he wanted to tell the human to fuck off, Jane really needed to get help with her depression as soon as she was sober.

"You're a turian, so I know as a fact you're going to take advantage of her."

"That's racist. She is a close friend of mine who I'm trying to help, so I'm not going to fuck her. Mind your own goddamn business."

"I don't think she'd like waking up, tied to a bed and covered in 'turian goo'."

"I'm going to calmy ask you to fuck off. It's none of your business to question what I'm going to do."

"If you're going to fuck someone without their consent, that makes you a bad person."

"Goddamn it, I am Garrus Vakarian and this is Commander Shepard. You better move or I'm going to force you to move."

"Garrus Vakarian? Commander Shepard?! Shit, sorry, I'll let you go now," The human quickly apologized.

"Fucking idiot," Jane interjected. They both left to Garrus' apartment.

By the time they got there, Jane was extremely exhausted. Garrus laid her down on his couch, and gave her a blanket. Garrus took a seat in a comfortable chair, and used his datapad. He only did this for about fifteen minutes, because it was very late at night.

He fell asleep with the datapad on the armrest of the chair. He slept very well. He even slept in, in turian standards. He woke up in the morning, but he had no idea what the time was.

His apartment was a large sized apartment. He didn't have much reason to have it so big, but he did it just in case. Just in case what? He wasn't even sure of what. Maybe it was for if friends need a place to stay for the night.

Garrus stood up and stretched, looking around the room. He remembered last night, and then looked down at his left. Jane was spread over the couch, and she was sweaty. It looked like she had a bad dream.

He finished stretching his arms, and then walked over to Jane and crouched down to look at her. He gently nudged her shoulders, hoping to wake her up. She suddenly woke up with a gasp. She opened her eyes with the gasp, and looked at Garrus. Garrus stood up, and Jane sat up.

"Garrus? Crap, what happened last night," She asked, rubbing her head.

"You drank, so I brought you here to rest. Good morning," Garrus kindly answered.

"Good morning. My head hurts..."

"I know. How are you feeling, well, aside from the headache?"

"I feel fine, aside from that. Thank you so much for bringing me here, I kind of get out of hand while drinking."

"Yes, I know."

"Did you learn that the hard way? I'm sorry."

"I did learn it the hard way, but you have nothing to be sorry for."

"That's... an odd way to put it. Why?"

"You told me about something you never mentioned to anyone."

"Crap... what was it?"

"You said you were depressed. Is that true?"

"It is. I'm severly depressed."

"I'm sorry, Jane. None of what happened is your fault."

"Happened where?" Jane asked, confused. Garrus sat next to her, and put his arm around her. He put his hand in hers, and he looked her in the eyes. "Garrus, I... I don't know what to do."

"I know one cause of it is because you chose to save the council rather than sacrifice them when we were defeating Sovereign. The way to resolve that is, you need to realize that it is not your fault. It was a choice you had to make that would have caused deaths either way. This issue was not brought up by you. It was brought up by Saren and Sovereign." Garrus explained.

Jane rested her head on Garrus' shoulder. She couldn't help but feel the need to cry, she knew it wasn't her fault, but it still hurt her. She didn't blame herself anymore. Garrus put his other arm around her, in a firm, friendly hug. Jane started crying into his shoulders. She mirrored his movements, and hugged him back.

He couldn't think of a good way to comfort her more than he already had. He kissed her neck, and then rested his head against hers. Her crying slowed down, and then after half a minute, it stopped.

Garrus and Jane pulled their heads away from each other. They both looked into each other's eyes. Garrus expressed a concerned smile with his eyebrows and mandibles. Jane smiled weakly. She kissed Garrus on his lips, and then realized something. "Wait. I'm sorry, I forgot my boundaries. I didn't mean to kiss you, Garrus."

"I'm fine with it. In fact, I think I like it. But you must know, I caused that because I kissed your neck. I thought it was a human thing?" Garrus said, and then questioned.

"It is a human thing, but it's mostly to express love. In a romantic way."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, I just want you to feel better."

"I do already Garrus. Did I wake you up last night?"

"Not at all. I woke up a few minutes ago, and saw you were very sweaty, at least I think. Did you sleep well?"

"No. I haven't had a good sleep in a long time."

"I don't know if this will work, but do you want to spend some time with me and Tali?"

"Tali? Where is she?"

"She's here at the Citadel for a few days. She was here for a break, for whatever reason. I can invite her over here in a few hours."

"I'd love that, Garrus," Jane said. She felt something in her heart, because there were some words she did not express to Garrus. He didn't even catch that she felt for him, she mentioned the kisses were a sign of love, and she had previously just kissed him directly.

A few hours later, and Tali knocked on the door, and opened it. Garrus was sitting on the couch with Jane, and Jane was resting with her head on Garrus' shoulder. Garrus looked at Tali, who decided to joke. "Did I walk in on something?" Tali jokingly asked him.

"Ha. Ha. Nice one, Tali," Garrus said sarcastically.

"Is she asleep?"

"Sort of. She seemed really happy that you were here," Garrus said, and moved his shoulder to wake Jane up. She slowly sat straight up and rubbed her eyes.

"Oh, hey Tali," Jane said.

"Hey, Shepard. What are we going to do?" Tali asked.

"We should watch a vid. Any good ideas?" Garrus asked.

* * *

After the end of the vid, they were all sitting together on the couch. Tali, was hugging Jane, and Jane was hugging both Garrus and Tali. This was a rare moment for Jane these days. She felt cared for. She felt loved. She wanted to express to both of them, that she loved them. Garrus, romantically, but Tali, as a friend.

She didn't want them to feel awkward by saying it, but she had to express it somehow. "Hey, guys. I have something I want to say." Jane said, sounding nervous.

"What is it, Shepard," Tali politely asked.

"I love you, Tali."

"Uh.."

"Tali, it's nothing to worry about. Love is a gigantic word. It means many things, she probably loves you as a sibling," Garrus explained.

"Oh. In that case, I love you too, Shepard."

"Thank you. And, Garrus.. I.." Jane nervously started.

"You what, Jane?" Garrus asked. Jane seemed very nervous. She looked back at Tali, who nodded, and then stood up and left. Garrus watched Tali leave, and then looked back at Jane. "Jane, what's wrong?"

"Garrus. I love you." Jane finally said. Garrus opened his mandibles as an expression of surprise, but he couldn't say anything. Jane kissed him on the lips, but then didn't stop there. She moved herself on to Garrus' lap. She kept her lips on his, and then tried to go in for more.

Garrus shoved her away slightly. She suddenly felt slightly embarrassed. "Jane. I love you too."

"Why did you push me away?"

"I want to talk."

"Crap, I'm sorry Garrus."

"Don't apologize. You have done absolutely nothing wrong."

"Oh.. okay.."

"I'm so thankful that you love me, Jane. I've been questioning my feelings ever since Virmire. I've felt a sort of feeling of being uncomfortable and needing to tell you how I feel. When I saw how intelligent, and strong you were, I've always wanted to get closer to you. I'll be honest, I've had many dreams of you before, some making me question even more. I felt bad for you when you had to make life or death choices, and then feeling bad about them."

"Thank you, Garrus... I felt these from the start. I never thought turians were attractive in the first place, but hearing your voice, seeing your face, and even your personality were the key parts of my attraction to you. I fell in love with turians. You've ruined humans for me, damn it."

"Heh. I've never had that much confidence in myself, but seeing that you've felt this way about me for.. I guess I'm okay."

"You know, Garrus, I think one part of my depression is all the stress. I've never had sex before, so that's a lot of stress built up. Even trying to find someone to do it with me, that's why I've always acted so desperate."

"If you want to, we can do it later."

"Wait.. really?"

"Why not? I love you, I respect you, and I care for you, Jane."

"I love you so much, Garrus," Jane said, and then kissed Garrus again. She got off his lap, and then sighed. "We should tell Tali to come back in now."

Garrus nodded, and stood up. He went to the door, and opened it. Tali was standing outside, leaning against the wall. Tali heard the door opened, so she turned. "I take it I shouldn't say for the night?" Tali asked.

"You can stay tonight if you want. Me and Jane can find a place to.. keep quiet. Probably my bedroom," Garrus said.

"Ew, so you two are really planning to do that?"

"Yes, what's wrong with that, though?"

"I just never imagined Commander Shepard naked."

"Oh, come on, out of an instance of sexual intercourse, you thought of the female first?"

"Humans are built similarly to quarians, I have no idea what turians look like without their armor. I don't want to know."

"Sure you don't, Tali. You can do whatever you want for now, just come back later."

"I'm going to say goodbye to Shepard and then leave," Tali said. Tali went inside and saw Jane sitting on the couch, clearly nervous. Tali was concerned why Jane was nervous so she asked Garrus to stay outside for a minute. "Shepard, what's wrong?"

"Oh, hey Tali. I'm just.. feeling bad," Jane answered.

"About what?

"I've never been in a romantic relationship before. Well, not one that's lasted long before. I'm bound to mess up, because I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, Shepard. You're probably one of the smartest Alliance commanders I've met. I've known you for long enough to say you can't mess anything up."

"Yeah, sure, for missions, but a relationship is something so different. I respect Garrus a lot, but I don't think I could handle being in a relationship with him."

"You two clearly love eachother. You'll do fine, Shepard."

"Just let him back in already. I'll deal with this eventually."

"Deal with what?" Tali asked. She wasn't answered. She went over to the door and opened it, Garrus was just standing impatiently on the other side, staring at his feet. "Garrus, Shepard is very worried."

Garrus looked up from the floor. He was worried now, too. "Is she alright?" he asked.

"Just talk to her before you do 'do it' later," Tali said, both joking and being serious. Garrus didn't have a reaction, but inside he felt bad for Jane.

* * *

[Later]

Garrus looked over the railings and down at the couch. It was nearly midnight, and Tali was sleeping on the couch. He exhaled, his breath slightly visible, as the apartment was colder than usual. He walked into his room and locked the door behind him. There was a bottle of wine, and two cups.

He couldn't see Shepard anywhere. The bathroom door was closed, so he assumed she was doing something. He walked over to the locked door, and knocked. "Shepard?" Garrus asked.

"Yeah, Garrus?" Jane replied.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Garrus. Why are you even asking? I'm just washing my hands..."

"I'll answer that later. I'll be sitting on my bed when you're out."

"Just a few seconds, Garrus," Jane said. She dried her hands, and then stood infront of the locked door. She inhaled deeply, and then exhaled. She wasn't ready for this. She turned back and looked at herself in the mirror.

Her red hair, glistening in the mirror, caused by the artificial light coming from the ceiling. She sighed, trying to mentally prepare herself. She was physically ready, but she couldn't bare losing Garrus as a friend.

Of course, it was hard to connect sexual intercourse with the ruining of a friendship, but she couldn't accept that. Maybe Garrus couldn't handle it in a specific way, or she'd do something wrong, or.. she couldn't get get rid of the feeling she'd ruin it. One night could ruin it all.

She could say she changed her mind about it, but she assumed he was too in the mood to dismiss him. Turian males are more confusing than humans. They're alien. She had no idea what would happen if she said she changed her mind. Would he be angry?

She stood, looking at herself in the mirror, resting her arms on the sink. Eventually, the door holo was unlocked. Garrus walked in a few seconds later, seeing Jane staring at the mirror. "Are you alright, Jane? You said it would take a few seconds. It's been four minutes, just to wash your hands," Garrus said.

"Four minutes? Already?" Jane questioned.

"Yes, four minutes. Please, tell me, is something wrong?" Garrus asked her. He walked up closer to her, and turned her around. He put his hands into hers.

"I've never been in a good relationship, ever, Garrus. You don't know how bad I want this. I just feel so bad, knowing that even saying one thing, I can ruin it for you, and you'll split with me just like that. I'm going to ruin this somehow!"

"I'll make a personal promise with you right now, Jane. No matter what you do, I will always stay with you. No matter how you act, I will always love you. If you are lost in action, I will never stop looking for you. If you died, well, I would mourn you, as long as I live. You're the most important thing when I wake up. You're the most important thing when I'm sleeping. You are the most important person to me, ever, Jane."

"Garrus... you're really putting me above anybody you've ever met? Even your family? Your home planet? You're promising too much, Garrus. I'm not that good."

"You are. I know you must not feel the same way about me, I don't have any relevancy, but you are very, very important to me. I love you, so much."

"Garrus.. I," Jane tried to say something. She couldn't. She moved her right hand from Garrus' hand and put it on his cheek. She kissed him on the lips, and tried to talk again. "You are important, Garrus. Have you even seen me in our missions? I threw myself into the front to make sure you'd never get hurt. Even if I was hurt myself, it was good, as long as you weren't!"

"So, you do feel the same way. I promise you what I've said, Jane. I'll take the promise to my grave, you are just as important to me, as living is to.. me! Sorry, I'm not good with human sayings. You are my life now."

"You are my life now too, Garrus. Are you ready to do it?" Jane asked him, her voice soft.

"Are most turians still racist against humans? Of course, I am.. and, that's not an offensive saying, is it?"

"It is okay, Garrus. Let's go," Jane said. Garrus pulled her into a kiss, and then lead her over to the bed. She laughed a bit, and smiled, excited to be loved. Garrus sat her down on the bed, and he grabbed the wine.

He handed her a cup. He motioned to ask if she wanted some, and she nodded. He poured wine into her cup, and then into his, and placed the wine back onto the bedside table. She took a slow sip while Garrus sat down.

"When do you want to do it?" Garrus asked.

"I'm just going to finish this drink, Garrus. Let me know when you're ready." Jane answered. Garrus nodded, and took a drink.

"So, uh, how do you feel about defeating Sovereign?"

"Garrus."

"Oh. Right. I.. How do you feel about... hm.. I can't think of a topic."

"I think it's better if we just talk about each other. What are you doing these days, Garrus?"

"Thank you for asking, Jane. I've recently been.." Garrus stops in the middle of his sentence. Garrus belched loudly. "Oh. Sorry, I haven't eaten in a while. As I way saying-"

"Turians can burp? That's pretty cool. You were saying?"

"I have recently been suggested for a Spectre status, again. This time I'm going to try to work for it. I'd ask for you help, but I know you're very busy trying to help colonies."

"Garrus, I'd love to help," Jane said, then took a drink, the cup almost empty, "I'll be done with this in a few weeks, don't worry."

"What would I do while being a Spectre? It's not like they assign two Spectres together. Do they?"

"They don't, unless you make a special request. You could be my XO. I'll forward your suggestion for Spectre and do pretty much everything I can, in a few weeks."

"I couldn't thank you enough." Garrus said. They were both drinking during the conversation, and Garrus just finished his cup. He saw that Jane finished hers, so he took her cup and placed both of theirs on the bedside table. "I'm ready, Jane."

Jane smiled. She moved over, and sat on his lap. Garrus put his forehead against hers. Then, he moved onto his back, forcing Jane to move with him. He kissed her directly on the lips, and then started removing her shirt.

Garrus was surpsingly used to removed her shirt, but she didn't have time to question him. Once her shirt was off, she pulled Garrus into a wet, slobbering kiss. Garrus started licking her drool, and he started drooling himself. Jane could feel Garrus move his legs open more, and she backed away from the kiss.

She looked at why Garrus was moving his legs. Between his legs, his large erection was starting to show through his pants. Jane gulped hard, unsure if she could handle it or not.

* * *

[The Next Morning]

Jane woke up earlier than Garrus. She saw it was still dark in the room, but she didn't know if it was early in the morning or not. She looked over to where Garrus was laying, and saw that he was spread out over his side of the bed, had a blanket covering half of him, and he had the side of his head on the pillow. He fell asleep really well. She could've sworn he was drooling, too.

Garrus was starting to moan in his sleep. Jane chuckled a bit to herself, but she wanted to wake him up to talk to him. She climbed over and laid directly next to Garrus. She grabbed his shoulder and shook it lightly.

He let out a light, elongated yawn. His eyes slowly opened, and he turned his whole body towards Jane. "Good morning, sexy," Garrus growled lustfully.

"Right back at you, Garrus. How was it," Jane asked.

"The best I've had."

"So, you're serious about this relationship thing, you weren't just saying that to do that with me, were you?"

"Jane, listen," Garrus said. He put his arms around her, and pulled her close. "I wasn't kidding. I love you."

"I love you too, Garrus," Jane said. Jane and Garrus stayed in bed for another ten minutes cuddling. Eventually, they got out of bed.

As they both walked out of the room, it was obvious that Tali was still sleeping. Jane stopped for a second and got an idea. She chuckled to herself while thinking of it. Garrus, of course, noticed the chuckling.

"What's so funny," Garrus asked.

"I got an idea," Jane said.

"What's the idea?"

"Go over and lay on Tali until she wakes up and pretend you two did something last night."

"How would that be funny?"

"Her reactions."

"That just seems mean. But I'll do it," Garrus said. Jane stayed back, and Garrus walked over to the couch. He moved the blanket off of Tali, and laid on top of her, and placed the blanket back over the both of them.

Garrus hugged Tali. Tali started to wake up slowly. She seemed surprised.

"G-Garrus? What are you doing on me," Tali asked quickly, and extremely embarrassed.

"What do you think," Garrus replied, speaking in a seductive voice.

"I thought you were with Shepard?"

"What are you talking about? It's just you and me, Tali."

"I-I don't remember... my head does not hurt, I couldn't have been drunk."

"Stop worrying. It was fun."

"D-Did we really.. do that?"

"No, Tali. I'm just laying on top of you because I thought it would be funny."

"Is that sarcasm..?"

"Yes."

"Wait, what?"

"Shepard put me up to this. Her idea."

"What, how is that a good joke?"

"Tali, I'll admit, that was funny. You acted kind of embarrassed."

"Shut up, never talk about this again. Where is Shepard?"

"Over there," Garrus said. He pointed, and Jane walked into view.

"Garrus, you are a terrible actor," Jane said.

"I hate the both of you," Tali said, and shoved Garrus off of her. He fell on his ass. Tali brushed herself off as Garrus jokingly looked shocked.

Tali backed up a bit and stood with her arms crossed. She gave a glare to Jane, to show she was unhappy. Garrus felt he needed to make a joke to break the awkwardness in the room.

"Brushing yourself off wouldn't have been enough, you might want to run one of your programs," Garrus said. Tali scoffed, and looked at him. She rolled her eyes and muttered to herself as she left. Garrus stood up from the floor and looked at Jane, who was facepalming.

"Garrus, I should go now," Jane said.

"Oh. Go ahead. When can I see you again?"

"In a few weeks when I'm done helping a few colonies out. I've been procrastinating on it, so I should get back to it now. Bye."

"Bye, Jane. I love you."

"I love you too, Garrus," Jane said, smiling. She couldn't help but smile whenever Garrus would say that. There was so much impact when Garrus would say it, because she hadn't had anyone love her in a long time. I wish I could skip time, Jane thought to herself.

Garrus moved over to her and hugged her. Once they both exited the hug, he kissed her goodbye. She left to the Normandy.

Weeks later, the Normandy was ambushed by the Collectors and a lot of the crew was killed, Commander Shepard included. Once Garrus heard, he was devastated. His plans to become a Spectre failed, and he had no choice but to leave the citadel because of the bureaucratic crap.

Two years later.


End file.
